|I haven't read this but it felt appropriate; I'm sure reading it would help, but then how would you see into my head?|
I thought writing those posts would help my emotional state and I wasn't wrong. My emotions feel life-sized again. Hurtful, but manageable. Now comes the fun part: waiting to see whether I have more pain and anger to to express. If so, how will it present itself? Finally, can I resist taking it out on those closest to me?
I probably have more pain, tears, and anger. In fact, I'm sure of it. As Glen Duncan writes in The Last Werewolf, "Once you've stopped loving someone, breaking his or her heart's just an unpleasant chore you have to get behind you." Being on the receiving end of that treatment - especially over the course of months, to see this person you've loved so well for so long become completely indifferent to you - is uniquely unmanning.
I'm not worried about how these emotions bubble up because I've learned to see the symptoms. I'm also not worried about taking it out on my family, because Uncle Fester no longer waltzes into my mind, kicks his feet up, and makes himself comfortable. We verbally spar instead. Well, once we sparred for about half a day. The other times, I heard him open his mouth and was like, "Shut the fuck up, Fester."
And he did.
And he did.
On a related note, I'm really looking forward to the new Mel Gibson movie where he talks to a beaver puppet to deal with his negative emotions.
|Pictured: Me and Uncle Fester having a rational discussion|