I Wish I Had Never Seen This

Did you know there’s a feature on eblogger which allows you to track traffic to your blog?  I’ve laughed with authors visiting the store who talk about obsessively checking their Amazon sales rank every hour.  Meanwhile in my head, I’ve judged them.  I’ll never be that self-obsessed and pathetic,  I thought.  But… I didn’t know I could track traffic to my blog.

Looking at Sweet with Fall and Fish, I honestly have no idea why a few hundred folks read one post (and let me delude myself that every time someone opens a post, it means s/he reads it, okay?) and another only gets a few readers.  

Some of my recent posts have seven readers.  Seven.  Since 14 people are following me, if you count me (I was trying to see if I’d get an email when I put up a post; I didn’t, and I haven’t taken the time to figure out how to unsubscribe myself), that means half the people interested enough to see what I have to say on a regular basis aren’t really that interested.

My most popular post has nearly a thousand readers.  Is it because I mention all those popular blogs I like?  Or does it come up on a Google search for tips on getting more people to read your blog?  Maybe it’s because it has so many comments.  There’s probably no way of knowing, but it hasn’t stopped me from whining and wondering all week.

I think it’s the mention of all those high-traffic sites, combined with Tucker Max, Maddox, and "Hot Chicks."  I told Becky I should just start throwing random high-traffic generating phrases into my posts, things like Paris Hilton reverse cowgirl Chilean miners, or Jersey Shore Gulf Spill bukkake.  Only half joking, I made particular mention of a certain singer whose video we saw at a bowling alley with Dylan, said singer who has the ability to make a six-year-old really shake his booty.

“If you mention ------ ------ on your blog just to get traffic,” Becky said, also only half joking, “then we would have to part company.  Now I’m leaving the room, and I’m going to forget this conversation ever happened.”

The singer’s first name is the same as the guy who wrote Everything Here is the Best Thing Ever and co-edited The Word Made Flesh with Eva Talmadge.  His last name is very similar in sound to this animal: 

Should hundreds of followers and thousands of readers come to Sweet, my last illusion will crumble.  Author platform, author platform, if you want to be published then what’s your author platform?  If I garner a large audience (and one could argue that the hundreds of people looking at The Heat Lightning and Lip Service and the thousands looking at Books & Books constitute a platform), I’ll have to face the fact that I’m unpublished because I keep my work to myself.  

     Watches Viagra sex Lindsay Lohan big hard Russian Brides upskirt Glenn Beck boobs sexting Catfish orgy fetish video spank Spanx Pulitzer naked pictures fap adult NSFW butts bikini sexy hot wild dirty naughty filthy Nolte   

Just checking.